PLEASE KNOW YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS.
You will smile and laugh again. You may even be doing it now. And you may be feeling guilty. Don’t. You’re body is a wonderful thing. Capable of shielding you and protecting you. Trust it, and allow every emotion to flow through you. Feel it, talk about it, do what feels right. Just don’t feel guilty.
This year, it will be 10 years since my beautiful Mum, my soul, my best friend, part of my self, left this earth. Like a beam of sunlight disappearing back into the clouds. She shone her light on this earth for 60 beautiful years, and then she was gone. Around 4pm on an ordinary day and an ordinary week in September.
But there was nothing ordinary about her. And there was nothing ordinary about your Mum. They are extraordinary. And to us they are us.
Our mothers are our first home, the source of our life. Our everything. Losing them feels like losing us. But we return, stronger. Though it may not feel like it now, just know you will gain strength from this. Strength that you will then be able to pass on to others.
You’re now part of a very special club. A band of sisters and brothers who know. Know what it feels like to have the worst thing that could happen to you, happen to you. The very thought of that alone helped me get through the darkest days. To be on the other side of that fear. It didn’t make it less painful, but it did help me, and I hope it helps you find some peace.
Know that although nobody will ever truly understand your pain, as you feel it. Find comfort in knowing that there are people who do understand, at least from our own stories. We feel part of the pain, we share the hurt. I know that whenever I hear of someone losing their Mum (joining the club), I feel a deep understanding, a sadness in knowing that someone else is now feeling that numb and hollow. Empty.
But I find solace in knowing that, I am OK, 10 years later, as will you. Living with a beautiful memory of my Mum that I carry with me everywhere I go, and a feeling that she is still alive, in me, as me. She is living and breathing, her cells are still wandering this earth, travelling the world, drawing, listening to music, singing, meditating and feeling. Everything she passed on to me. Your Mum became more than just her when she had you, she is not gone. Her physical body may be, but you are her.
I’m so sorry, and I’m sending the biggest warmest embrace to you today and in the years to come, we all are. You are supported more than you know, by so many, who know.